How to Find the Right Therapist for You or Your Child
- elizabethaingraham
- Feb 4
- 4 min read
Finding a therapist is hard for many people. Finding one who truly understands children,
teens, or adults—and their families—can feel even harder. Parents are often searching while already exhausted, worried, or overwhelmed, and neurodivergent clients may have had past experiences of being misunderstood, pathologized, or pressured to change who they are.
This guide is designed to help parents and, in particular, neurodivergent clients find a therapist who is not just qualified, but affirming, collaborative, and safe.
1. Start With Values, Not Just Symptoms
Before searching, pause to clarify what matters most to you or your child.
For parents, this might include:
Support for emotional regulation, anxiety, school stress, or family dynamics
A therapist who collaborates with parents without blaming them
A strengths-based view of your child
For neurodivergent clients, this might include:
Being accepted as you are (not “fixed” or trained to mask)
Respect for sensory needs, communication differences, and autonomy
A therapist who adapts therapy to you—not the other way around
Getting clear on these values helps you screen out approaches that may look helpful on paper but feel invalidating in practice.
2. Look Specifically for Neurodiversity-Affirming Care
Not all therapists who say they work with autism, ADHD, or anxiety use an affirming approach. When reading profiles or websites, look for language such as:
Neurodiversity-affirming
Strengths-based
Trauma-informed
Collaborative and client-led
Respects autonomy and nervous system needs
Be cautious of language that focuses heavily on compliance, behavior control, or “normalizing” children. Therapy should help clients feel safer and more regulated—not more managed.
3. Use Google!
Google can be a useful starting point if you know how to search intentionally. Try using specific terms that reflect what you’re actually looking for, such as “child therapist,” “teen therapist,” or “neurodiversity-affirming therapist,” along with your city or state. From there, look beyond the first result (often an advertisement) —click through websites to read about the therapist’s approach, the populations they work with, and how they describe their values and philosophy of care.
A good website should help you get a feel for whether the therapist works in a way that aligns with you or your child, not just list credentials or insurance plans.
4. Use Directories—But Read Between the Lines
Therapist directories can be a helpful starting point, especially when filtered by location, specialty, and insurance. As you browse:
Check who the therapist works with (children, teens, adults, parents)
Look for training relevant to neurodivergence (autism, ADHD, PDA, sensory processing)
Notice how they describe progress and goals
A strong profile often explains how the therapist works, not just what diagnoses they list.
5. Ask Other Parents and Neurodivergent Communities
Some of the best referrals come from:
Other parents of neurodivergent kids
School counselors or special education advocates
Occupational therapists, pediatricians, or speech therapists
Neurodivergent-led communities and support groups
When asking, be specific: “Do you know a therapist who is affirming and works well with autistic teens?” is more useful than “Do you know a good therapist?”
6. Use the Consultation Call Intentionally
Many therapists offer a brief consultation. This is your chance to interview them.
Helpful questions include:
“How do you approach working with neurodivergent clients?”
“What does progress look like in your therapy?”
“How do you involve parents while still respecting a child’s autonomy?”
“How do you adapt sessions for sensory needs, anxiety, or demand avoidance?”
“What is your cancellation policy”?
Are they full? Ask for their best recommendation(s)!
Notice not just the answers—but how you feel asking the questions. Feeling rushed, dismissed, or corrected early on is important information.
7. Pay Attention to Fit, Not Just Credentials
A therapist can be highly trained and still not be the right match.
Green flags include:
Curiosity rather than assumptions
Flexibility in how sessions are structured
Respect for your lived experience
Willingness to collaborate and adjust
Red flags include:
Talking over you or your child
Assuming motivation problems are behavioral issues
Minimizing sensory, emotional, or nervous system needs
Rigid ideas about what therapy “should” look like
8. Give Therapy a Few Sessions—But Trust Your Gut
It often takes a few sessions to settle in, but therapy should not consistently feel distressing, shaming, or exhausting just to attend.
For parents, ask:
Does my child feel safer or more understood?
Are we being supported rather than judged?
For neurodivergent clients, ask:
Do I feel respected and believed?
Am I allowed to be myself here?
If the answer is no, it is okay to seek a different provider.
9. You Deserve Affirming, Supportive Care
Therapy should be a place where neurodivergent clients and families feel seen, respected, and empowered. The right therapist will meet you where you are, adapt to your needs, and work with you—not against you.
Finding the right therapist may take time, but you are not asking for too much. You are asking for care that honors who you are.
If you’re a parent or neurodivergent client looking for support and wondering whether our practice may be a good fit, we’re always happy to help you explore next steps.
